Sunset On San Francisco

For the last couple days I was always wondering how is the sunset on San Francisco would look like.
It must be very beautiful with the mountains and beaches in all directions.

My sand clock is running so slow, I can almost count every grain that slides down to the bottom, and the sounds that rubbing into my eardrum transfer thousands of imagination about the colors that I will meet, and the smiles which I never seen before.

Every grain of these sands creates a worry about the creepy air plane machine sound, the big airport that I'm afraid I will lose my bag or miss my flight.
About the big people that talks strangely and walks so fast.

But the next sand grain keeps me calm somehow.
As calm as when I see my mother smiles and perhaps a little tears, a wise wisdom from my father, and a big hug from my sister.

Another grains I see makes me feel strong because a love is waiting for me patiently.
It is very nice, simple and sweet talk that we made.
For the negativity that we have each other, let the distance bond to one another.

Then I see my reflection when a bright little sand slides down to the narrow glass.
I see me walking in limp, fall to the ground, get hurt, and don't get back up for a while.
But when a breeze sweeps my face, I see sunset on San Francisco.
It pull me up to my own feet. heals my wound, and makes me run.
I run towards the sunset.
On San Francisco

I GOT IT!!!

Gw ngga bisa merangkai kata-kata manis di post ini seperti puisi-puisi atau post yang lainnya. Cuma bisa bilang "Alhamdulillah" tanpa henti, dan senyum paling manis dan lepas yang pernah terukir. Penantian dan cita-cita selama ini tercapai - Mendapat beasiswa CCIP melalui program Fulbright dari US Department of State. Bagi beberapa orang mungkin ini tidak terlalu mewah, secara ini hanya program non degree 1 tahun. Tapi bagi seorang anak kampung yang bapaknya hanya seorang sopir lulusan STM, dan ibunya hanya seorang guru ngaji lulusan SMA, ini berarti banyak bagiku. Bagi seorang anak yang diremehkan oleh keluarga sendiri, ini sangat berarti. Maaf kalau saya agak emosional, sehingga ngga bener penulisannya. Kadang pake "gw" "aku" "saya" but it doesn't matter. Disini saya akan share tentang betapa senangnya ketika membaca email yang masuk malam ini.

Dan kata-kata favorit yang gw suka adalah ketika membaca

"Dear Mr. Mahdy,

Congratulations! I am extremely pleased to inform you that you have been officially selected to participate in Community College Initiative Program in the United States commencing with the Fall 2012 academic term."

that's it, itu cukup untuk membuat gw menutup mulut seperti wanita dan terharu sampai menitikan air mata. Berawal dari grup nominee CCIP 2012 yang bilang bahwa tahun ini ada kemungkinan yang sudah sampai ke tahap bikin passport dan MCU tetep bisa ga lolos karena kuota. Dan lengkaplah penderitaan saya sore itu ketika beberapa nominee mengungkapkan kebahagiaan mereka setelah mendapat email. Dan setelah gw cek berkali-kali email, pemberitahuan itu tak kunjung datang. Yaps, kegalauan tak bisa dihindari. I felt so down and I think it would be very hard to get back up if I don't get this scholarship after all I've done and sacrificed. Dan selama perjalanan pulang, Sholawat tak henti-hentinya kupanjatkan. Setelah sampai di rumah, gw langsung cium tangan nyokap dan ceritain semua bahwa gw g tau bakal gimana kalo gagal, dan gw minta doa. Dan Allah Maha Mendengar, setelah gw dengan lemes balik ke kamar dan ngecek email lagi. *Criingg* email sakti itu muncul. Masuk jam 17:26 WIB. Pas banget sehabis sholat Ashar dan berdoa karena perasaan galau yang semakin besar. Dan baru saya lihat sekitar jam 8 malam. I couldn't ask for more.

Mudah-mudahan next time akan ada post seputar CCIP 2012 untuk membantu teman-teman di program berikutnya. Karena posting-posting seputar CCIP 2011 juga sangat membantu gw banget untuk tau perasaan mereka juga seputar perjalanan mendapatkan beasiswa ini.

Last word : "DREAM IT, AND YOU WILL GET IT."

Cheers,

Tuhan, ajak aku jalan-jalan

How often we say: "Oh my God, it's a beautiful beach" "Oh my God, this natural water is so fresh" "Oh my God, I want to be there" "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God"

Looking to a friend's travelling pictures makes two things work in your head. First, you're happy for your friend because they've managed to go to beautiful places. Second, you will hate them because they've managed to go to places you can only dream about. Or you just say "Oh my God" (Oh my God, that counts third)

Can you imagine how pity you are, especially me? Oh my God, the earth is big and I just stuck in this - crowded smelly hot jam corrupt small - spot (city)

They say the book is a window to the world. I don't completely agree, comparing to the word 'window' of my room. Whenever I open my window I can look around to see where the birds fly, I can say hi to my neighbor, I can smell soil after the rain. But 'window' in a terms of reading a book, I can't look around to see the other bird when the author only write about one bird. I can't say hi to the person in the book. I can't smell the cooking when the author write about a traditional Kazakhstan food. Books don't really take me there. I don't know what kind of window they talk about.

Oh my God, somebody please take me. Or I'll take you

Tidak apa-apa Tuhan, ikat aku dengan tali kekang, dan ajak aku jalan-jalan

Oh and if you know this place, you're awesome and we should travel together ^ ^

Dua Pelari

Suatu hari ada dua orang yang berlari. Salah satu dari mereka menarik yang lainnya, karena yang satu lebih cepat kakinya. Si lambat lalu mengikutinya dari belakang. Mengamati setiap gerak dari si cepat. Begitu indah. Mengingatkan akan dirinya dulu, saat bisa berlari cepat. Langkah panjang dan berani. Ayunan tangan yang menantang semua rintangan. Bentuk tubuh yang sempurna dan otot yang bergerak. Sesekali si cepat melihat ke belakang untuk sekedar ingin tahu sampai dimana si lambat berlari. Kadang dia melambat untuk mengimbangi. Tapi kadang juga lupa jika ada orang yang berusaha mengikuti. Si lambat begitu kagum dengan si cepat karena kekuatannya. Tubuhnya penuh luka sayat dan memar, tapi dia tetap berlari kencang. Kadang mereka bergandengan tangan untuk menyamai kecepatan. Tapi si cepat begitu cepat, dan si lambat harus terus berlari sekuat tenaga. Suaranya tidak bisa membuat si cepat menoleh, karena si lambat begitu lelah. Kadang si lambat menerka-nerka - hendak kemana si cepat akan berlari? Akankah dia berhenti? Si cepat pernah mengatakan bahwa dia akan menunggu si lambat. Tapi lama kelamaan si cepat mulai tak terlihat. Hanya jejak-jejak dan aroma khas yang membuat si lambat tahu dimana keberadaan si cepat. Si lambat kebingungan dan ketakutan. Si lambat ingin si cepat kembali merapat. Tapi si cepat sudah menghilang. Si lambat tersesat. Si cepat melesat. Si lambat berhenti dan berpikir memang sebaiknya pelari cepat berlari bersama pelari cepat. Si lambat akan beristirahat sejenak di bawah jembatan di pinggir sungai

Harga Istriku 10 Ribu

kasur ini semakin amblas ke lantai tanah
dinginnya merambat ketika malam tiba
di sisi sebelah, tempat istriku tidur, selalu terlihat seperti baru
empuk
tidak akan merambatkan dingin
ingin ku berbalik ke sisi itu
namun tulangku tak terasa lagi ada
istriku kemana?
tapi di lantai selalu tersedia sepiring nasi dan kecap dan teh hangat
kadang aku mendapatkan remahan daging ayam
tapi istriku kemana?
lalu kudengar dia berada di antrian terdepan
mengantri beras dan daun teh
sementara kasur ini makin amblas
kudengar lagi dia berada di dalam gang yang gelap
atau di sebuah hotel remang...
ke ujung gang dan membeli sebatang rokok pun aku tak punya uang
lalu kudengar istriku
dia di sampingku
di sisi kasur yang empuk
tersenyum dan menghapus keringat di dahiku
tertidur pulas karena lelah
lalu pergi lagi
meninggalkan sepiring nasi dan kecap dan teh hangat
mau kemana istriku?

kudengar harga istriku 10 ribu

Dua Kucing Lapar

dua kucing lapar berdiri di kerumunan kumuhnya pasar
tahi mata terus keluar sampai mengering
bulu yang kumuh menghangatkan yang penting
matilah dia jika menginjak tanah
lumpur hitam dan kaki tanpa mata
siap mengubur dan menginjak
di meja rombeng mereka tinggal
menunggu jatuhan bangkai atau serpihan yang berbau makanan
berjalan gelisah di meja yang sempit
lalu lalang orang bukan jaminan
jangan sampai terjatuh ke tanah
hidupnya tak akan lama
mereka berjalan gelisah
tuhan juga binatang punya
seorang wanita tanpa sadar melempar plastik ke meja
tuhan itu memang ada
menggelincir ke pinggir meja
dua kucing lapar mencoba menggapai
mereka jatuh ke tanah beserta makanan di mulut
matilah mereka
tapi mereka ke kolong meja

The Last Writing I'm Wasting on You

Suddenly the sound of a burning cigarette flow into my ear. It's been a year and two days since I met you. I'm listening the last song I'm wasting on you. I want to hear the sound of a burning cigarette again, so I smoke again. Pull a bold white poison smoke into my lungs. And I'm still wondering what kind of love you gave me. But it's not a matter anymore. I have deleted all visible memory of you. But not in my head. It's permanently written. Like any other memory I have. It planted like a root, but not grow any bigger. I remember your face, your smile and laugh, but not what you laugh at. I remember what you said, but not what conversation we had. You made me wait for almost two hours in a rainy night. You made me walk so far, because you suddenly cancel our appointment. You made me an alien in a crowded. You made me quit smoking and then start again. You made me finish my first story (Thanks so much). You made me wise but childish as well. You made me really mad but very happy some times. You... made me writing. Maybe you don't know how bad you tortured me. But strange, I enjoyed it. Is this what you want? Bravo, to make someone love you like this. Such a beautiful little evil. I don't hate you. I'm just cursing sometime. Let me tell you something, don't make a man waiting in the dark if you're not willing to give him light. Don't make a cat waiting in front of a plate if you're not willing to give a milk. Don't say you miss me and want to meet if you're not willing to meet me. Just be honest. Maybe it hurt, but it is the right way. Goddamn, you're so lovely.

Maria Berlian Paska. a sweet Catholic girl I met. a beautiful Catholic girl I love. The only child of a happy family. Make your parents proud of you, ey. I'm proud of you. You really a strong woman, you should know that. Achieve all yor dreams, Berlian. Don't fall in love too easy. I don't want you to get hurt. Marry a real man. It's your year, right? But don't push too hard. And now let me move on to achieve my goals. I'm sorry but I have to erase you

You'd be the first Catholic girl I love. And will be the last. I promise you. I promise me. I promise God. I'll be very glad if you read this. If anyone read this, don't mock me, bastard. You never know

Still listening "the last song I'm wasting on you" this is the last writing I'm wasting on you