When Sadness Comes

As Dr. Rahman said sounds like this: "You might encounter ups and downs feeling during your time here."
The down feeling will appear when you feel afraid to go back home. I had that feeling several times since I've been here. San Francisco has been given me too much memories, from the first breeze that I felt in July 2nd 2012 when the first time I landed my foot in the totally unfamiliar place, with no single person whom I know; Until the best laugh and smile that I have never did for a long time. Right now, I'm afraid to come home.

I'm afraid that I will change so much, and people could not recognize me anymore.
I'm afraid that my family would be like "This is what you become since you come from the US!"
I'm afraid to meet my friends. I don't know why.
I'm afraid to lose control, either in a good way or in a bad way.
I'm afraid that they're gonna label me with high expectation.
I'm afraid of what I will become.
I'm afraid to leave everything here.
I'm afraid to leave everyone here.
I'm afraid to leave them.
I'm afraid to leave you.
"How can you feel like a stranger in your own country? Your own city?" Paul said

God is Almighty, so He creates a big heart in all of us. And don't forget He also creates time that could heal everything. If you are able to adjust the life here, then you are definitely able to re-adjust your life in your own country. Turn your fear above into a challenge.

I want to change so much, and people probably won't understand and recognize me anymore. But that doesn't matter. Focus on myself, not other people's perspective.
I want my family be like "This is what you become since you come from the US!" And I'll also be like "Yes. I don't force you to understand, and I understand that."
I want to meet my friends so much and I don't know why.
I want to lose control, either in a good way or in a bad way.
I want them to label me with high expectation, because it would trigger me to do more, to give more.
I know what I will become. I'll become a great man.
I know that I'm gonna leave everything here.
I know that I'm gonna leave everyone here.
I know that I'm gonna leave them.
I know that I'm gonna leave you. But I will definitely come back if destiny calls. I know maybe we're not going to meet each other anymore, but you will always be in my heart. To love is to let go. This is my journey of life. My friend Allison Myers said that she found her life in the age of 40. In life, you must be keep on searching. Never stop. This 11 months has opened my eyes to the world.

So now wipe your tears and look outside. The world is big and waiting for you to conquer it. Stop the down feeling. Let go... Let go... and you will find your face turns into a big smile.


For My friends

Freckles Girl

There she goes
With a paper bag that looks like a Prada
Covered by the fallen leaves
With the most beautiful freckles in the face
So well organized like a galaxy in space
Throw a shy laugh that hides behind red hair
Flightless angel whose going somewhere
Maybe just want to feed the pigeons by the bay
Or pick flowers that grow wild on the railway

Diary of a Son

I don't want to count the days, but the nights always changing as if it illuminate my maturity
The excitement of standing in front of the wind that turns me on
Glass after glass tells me to trust no one
I am someone in front of the mirror
He is the evil whose willing  to walk beside my track
Lose my strength
Drown in your deadly smile
Taking care of soulfight with you
When I just want to talk about your moisture laugh
Bleeding in my journey to the fortress of thousand cells
Nobody covers me with a warm blanket
My baby book and a finger dance keep attach within
What should have been done
When red eyes reckless hits the mellow
Under a father's face and a mother's smile
I walk with them all around the world
Halfway to conquer the meaning of life
When faith meet me and talk about life
And I give it a blanket to make us warmer
And talk about our life
I am alone again
It leaves me with my last glass by the end of the night
To be count again