Mungkin karena sadar aku akan membuat tulisan di malam takbir, begitu banyak yang ingin kusampaikan selama bulan Ramadhan tahun ini. Tahun ke-5 aku masih bersedia meluangkan waktu untuk menengok blog yang terbengkalai ini. Tahun ke-5 aku menulis sesuatu setiap malam takbir.
Ramadhan tahun ini sangat banyak kekurangan yang masih terjadi. Tahun ini tapi yang paling berbeda adalah aku menjalaninya tanpa sosok seorang Bapak. Beliau pergi meninggalkan dunia ini beberapa bulan lalu. Kalau boleh jujur, tidak banyak kenangan yang aku miliki. Hubungan Bapak-Anak yang terjadi diantara kami bukanlah seperti kebanyakan orang. Kami sama-sama dingin. Keluargaku bukanlah keluarga extrovert. Kami tidak berbagi cerita tentang hari-hari kami saat berkumpul di malam hari. Tapi sedingin apapun hubungan itu, kehilangan orang tua akan selalu menjadi salah satu yang terberat dalam hidup.
Ramadhan tahun ini aku menghabiskannya di kantor baru. 1 Bulan lagi bertahan, kantor ini akan menjadi kantor terlama yang pernah aku dedikasikan waktu, tenaga, dan pikiranku di dalamnya. Ternyata 1 tahun tidak begitu lama. Namun disini cobaan bulan Ramadhan lebih berat dibanding di kantor lamaku. Disini adalah tempat untuk bekerja, bukan mencari teman akrab. Mereka tidak akan repot-repot memikirkan perasaanmu. Pure Professional. Namun bukan berarti aku tidak mempunyai teman. Aku hanya tidak masalah dengan lingkungan seperti ini. Namun beberapa hari saat Minggu-minggu akhir bulan puasa, seakan-akan ada orang-orang yang diutus untuk melatih kesabaranku - dalam hal emosi dan syahwat. Tahun ini hawa nafsuku seakan kembali labil.
Hal baiknya, kantorku yang sekarang sangat toleran terhadap waktu. Aku lebih sering menghabiskan waktu Dzuhur dan Ashar di Masjid bersama beberapa teman kantor (Kan... aku punya teman) Aku mulai perlahan-lahan Sholat sunnah, dan melakukan amalan-amalan yang sangat kecil. Semoga ini melatih untuk terbiasa kedepannya.
Semoga semakin diberikan kemudahaan dalam beribadah, diberi rizki yang halal dan cukup, dan yang pasti dipertemukan di Ramadhan berikutnya, agar tulisan seperti ini selalu menghiasi blog-ku yang kurang terawat. Selamat Lebaran.
Kumpulan kata yang terjebak dalam rasa bingung,marah,kecewa,sedih,bahagia yang tak dapat keluar dari lidah yang kelu
Sunday, 27 July 2014
Tuesday, 14 January 2014
Linked Connections
You were here not so long ago.
Knocking on my door on a humid rainy season.
You came at a perfect moment and brought warmth inside your suitcase.
You said you love the rain, so I took you outside.
Made you caught a cold after we rode the bicycle under the heavy rain.
That was the first time I have seen you playing with the rain, with your wet shirts that pressed and formed your body, and raindrops on your detail eyelash.
I got rid of all exhaustion and took you to the airport to leave me.
We sat there for hours.
There was no entertainment, except our conversations and the look on your melancholy eyes.
You didn't like it when I always say "I don't know" because you wanted me to be sure and believe at myself. Say anything but an empty words. Empty and ignorant as "I don't know"
There was no goodbye kiss because we both know that would have been hurt so much instead.
There were no promises cause nobody could guaranteed to made the promise.
I was so hollow.
This was a magic happened.
But Happened too fast.
Now we're back to sending pictures and our favorite kind of musics.
Kissing through letters and sentences.
Laughing together in a 10 inch monitor,
or none of them. Anymore.
We have one sun together.
With one side carrying my smile and the other side carving your voice.
We have one earth together, waiting to be stepped on by our foot - again.
Side by side.
We are not separated.
It's like I am not ready to grow old and face the truth.
Everyone choose a simple life, while I choose a complicated life.
Because that is the only thing to feel alive.
Knocking on my door on a humid rainy season.
You came at a perfect moment and brought warmth inside your suitcase.
You said you love the rain, so I took you outside.
Made you caught a cold after we rode the bicycle under the heavy rain.
That was the first time I have seen you playing with the rain, with your wet shirts that pressed and formed your body, and raindrops on your detail eyelash.
I got rid of all exhaustion and took you to the airport to leave me.
We sat there for hours.
There was no entertainment, except our conversations and the look on your melancholy eyes.
You didn't like it when I always say "I don't know" because you wanted me to be sure and believe at myself. Say anything but an empty words. Empty and ignorant as "I don't know"
There was no goodbye kiss because we both know that would have been hurt so much instead.
There were no promises cause nobody could guaranteed to made the promise.
I was so hollow.
This was a magic happened.
But Happened too fast.
Now we're back to sending pictures and our favorite kind of musics.
Kissing through letters and sentences.
Laughing together in a 10 inch monitor,
or none of them. Anymore.
We have one sun together.
With one side carrying my smile and the other side carving your voice.
We have one earth together, waiting to be stepped on by our foot - again.
Side by side.
We are not separated.
It's like I am not ready to grow old and face the truth.
Everyone choose a simple life, while I choose a complicated life.
Because that is the only thing to feel alive.
Labels:
English Write,
Surrogate,
The art of words
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