Panggilan

Langitku berbisik bergemuruh

Saat semua masih gelap

Hanya yang terpilih yang menjawab

Hanya yang diberi hidayah yang bangkit

Ada yang berjalan melawan dingin malam

Beberapa berlari menghindari yahudi

Ada yang ditemani tasbih,berjalan tenang

Disana ditemani obor,berjalan hati-hati

Tapi mereka ditemani senjata api,atau ketakutan bisa mati

Dia bersuara,dan terus berjalan semakin ke timur

Langitmu tidak akan pernah bisu

Siapa dibaliknya?

Label pertama malam takbir

Kembali lagi ke Jakarta. Kembali lagi ke mayoritas muslim secara general menjadi lebih mudah dalam menjalankan ibadah puasa. Apalagi setelah hampir tiga bulan kembali dari San Francisco, belum mendapat pekerjaan tetap, jadi lebih banyak dirumah dengan minim aktivitas. Tidak perlu pusing-pusing mikir menu berbuka dan sahur, karena semua sudah tersedia. Bisa sholat tarawih dan ngaji lebih banyak dari tahun kemarin.

Tapi ada hal-hal istimewa yang kurang: Eksklusifitas muslim di negeri non muslim. Perasaan besar dan bangga menjadi muslim. Saat orang-orang terpukau dengan "how can you don't eat anything?" "I can't do that" atau rasa penghormatan yang sebenarnya ketika kami berkumpul di restoran untuk makan siang dan "Mahdy, order anything for you to eat it during the night." atau ketika menjalankan aktivitas volunteer ketika "Who's fasting? You? Here have more, take as much as you want."

Ada rasa kemenangan yang sebenarnya ketika Maghrib tiba pukul 8:30 sore dan badan masih bisa berdiri tegak walau hanya dengan beberapa teguk air putih (no tea) di tengah aktivitas yang tidak dibuat untuk orang yang berpuasa, tapi tidak ada masalah.

Ada ketenangan ketika langit malam takbir tidak diramaikan oleh kembang api dan petasan, tapi bintang dan awan malam. Tanpa takbir berkumandang dari luar yang sering dijadikan perwakilan untuk tidak perlu lagi bertakbir. Tapi disana takbir langsung berkumandang dari mulut, dan langit yang kemudian diwakilkan.

Tapi tetap ada amalan-amalan di bulan puasa yang tidak bisa dipenuhi semua.

Kemudian sekarang hanya ada doa, semoga bisa diberi kesempatan lagi untuk bertakbir mewakili langit dibelahan dunia lain. Mewakili minoritas karena itu hebat.

after capital

c'mon wake up san francisco
wake up city
i wanna keep talking to you
and fall in love
in a dangerous way
the love that i love
the eye that reaches in
every inch of my subconsciousness
can you sing in our way to my favorite place
to your night sky
where every night is full moon
then listen to your talking and laughing at dinner time
i wish there is a kiss after that
in soft and gentle
until you break in particles
or me
as i suddenly be here
you're just a dream

Untuk Kita

Biarkan dia nanti tumbuh liar
Bersama hutan buatan dengan akar kekar
Menyanyi dari lagu hujan dan halilintar
Berputar bersama warna hipnotis bergaris malam kelam
Tempat tidurnya rasa kuda yang siap berlari mengejar imajinasi mimpi
Dari belahan bumi dan alam khayal bidadari
Bahkan sang ibu sangat merindukan insting keibuan yang tak kuasa lagi ditahan
Saat sang anak tak butuh kehangatan
Karena dia tumbuh liar dari asuhan alam dan kekerasan
Tapi selalu bermimpi dia
Mimpi bidadari yang selalu memberinya makan
Dan tidur di atas tumpukan kehalusan
Di bawah rumah idaman
Biarkan dia tumbuh liar

When Sadness Comes

As Dr. Rahman said sounds like this: "You might encounter ups and downs feeling during your time here."
The down feeling will appear when you feel afraid to go back home. I had that feeling several times since I've been here. San Francisco has been given me too much memories, from the first breeze that I felt in July 2nd 2012 when the first time I landed my foot in the totally unfamiliar place, with no single person whom I know; Until the best laugh and smile that I have never did for a long time. Right now, I'm afraid to come home.

I'm afraid that I will change so much, and people could not recognize me anymore.
I'm afraid that my family would be like "This is what you become since you come from the US!"
I'm afraid to meet my friends. I don't know why.
I'm afraid to lose control, either in a good way or in a bad way.
I'm afraid that they're gonna label me with high expectation.
I'm afraid of what I will become.
I'm afraid to leave everything here.
I'm afraid to leave everyone here.
I'm afraid to leave them.
I'm afraid to leave you.
"How can you feel like a stranger in your own country? Your own city?" Paul said

God is Almighty, so He creates a big heart in all of us. And don't forget He also creates time that could heal everything. If you are able to adjust the life here, then you are definitely able to re-adjust your life in your own country. Turn your fear above into a challenge.

I want to change so much, and people probably won't understand and recognize me anymore. But that doesn't matter. Focus on myself, not other people's perspective.
I want my family be like "This is what you become since you come from the US!" And I'll also be like "Yes. I don't force you to understand, and I understand that."
I want to meet my friends so much and I don't know why.
I want to lose control, either in a good way or in a bad way.
I want them to label me with high expectation, because it would trigger me to do more, to give more.
I know what I will become. I'll become a great man.
I know that I'm gonna leave everything here.
I know that I'm gonna leave everyone here.
I know that I'm gonna leave them.
I know that I'm gonna leave you. But I will definitely come back if destiny calls. I know maybe we're not going to meet each other anymore, but you will always be in my heart. To love is to let go. This is my journey of life. My friend Allison Myers said that she found her life in the age of 40. In life, you must be keep on searching. Never stop. This 11 months has opened my eyes to the world.

So now wipe your tears and look outside. The world is big and waiting for you to conquer it. Stop the down feeling. Let go... Let go... and you will find your face turns into a big smile.


For My friends

Freckles Girl

There she goes
With a paper bag that looks like a Prada
Covered by the fallen leaves
With the most beautiful freckles in the face
So well organized like a galaxy in space
Throw a shy laugh that hides behind red hair
Flightless angel whose going somewhere
Maybe just want to feed the pigeons by the bay
Or pick flowers that grow wild on the railway

Diary of a Son

I don't want to count the days, but the nights always changing as if it illuminate my maturity
The excitement of standing in front of the wind that turns me on
Glass after glass tells me to trust no one
I am someone in front of the mirror
He is the evil whose willing  to walk beside my track
Lose my strength
Drown in your deadly smile
Taking care of soulfight with you
When I just want to talk about your moisture laugh
Bleeding in my journey to the fortress of thousand cells
Nobody covers me with a warm blanket
My baby book and a finger dance keep attach within
What should have been done
When red eyes reckless hits the mellow
Under a father's face and a mother's smile
I walk with them all around the world
Halfway to conquer the meaning of life
When faith meet me and talk about life
And I give it a blanket to make us warmer
And talk about our life
I am alone again
It leaves me with my last glass by the end of the night
To be count again

Silicon Valley Trip

Perjalanan ke Silicon Valley walaupun ngga mengunjungi semua tempat, tetap menjadi pengalaman yang mungkin tidak akan terulang lagi. Youtube adalah kantor pertama yang saya kunjungi karena letaknya paling dekat. Google was the best! Facebook penjaganya galak betul kaya anjing pudel. Ngga boleh foto-foto gedungnya (Padahal ga keliatan apa-apaan juga) cuma boleh foto dengan sign facebook di depan. Sebenernya gapapa sih, secara kita juga cuma foto dengan sign aja untuk semua perusahaan yang kita kunjungi. Mungkin karena kantor baru kaya dan mungkin juga penjaganya baru, jadi ya maklum saja. Di ebay saya disuruh apply karena ebay selalu buka lowongan kata seorang pegawai yang kebetulan juga sedang membawa keluarganya mengunjungi ebay. Yah kalau rejeki mungkin nanti balik lagi ke sini. Akhirnya bisa ngeliat EA Electronic Arts sebagai ucapan terima kasih karena telah membuat game FIFA 2012 yang keren abis. Dan terakhir Google! The best company in the world! Area paling luas mungkin menjangkau hampir 1/4 wilayah Mountain View (mungkin agak lebay) terbuka dengan orang luar. Saya bahkan menaiki sepeda google dan keliling gedung utamanya, walaupun belakangan baru tau kalau sebenarnya kalau bukan pegawai Google ngga boleh naik sepedanya. Tapi dengan cara si pegawai memberitahu itu sungguh marketing sekali, beda sama satpam Facebook. Emang beda level juga sih. Semoga nanti saya tidak hanya berfoto di luar, tapi bisa berfoto di dalam, di ruang kerja saya sendiri. Aamiin...

Personal versus Professional Blog

Don't you realize that mixing your personal and professional post in your blog is not a good idea?
When you decide that you want to create a blog, you might want to also decide what kind of post you are going to write there in your blog.

For some new bloggers I know it is so hard to do it. You feel that you just want to start writing something (based on my own experience). You want to feed your passion in writing, and let the time decide what is your writing style - could be journalism, feature, fashion, experience, food, etc. But by the time you realize that, your blog would be full with random stuff, because last month you  were really enjoyed wrote poems and this month you know how it feels to do some research writings, or post short stories. But someday when you look through your whole posts in your blog, it's going to look like a supermarket - everything is in there. This is not a good and professional layout. You don't want to show your blog to the employer because they will know your other side that you don't have to show it. It's like showing your diary. Nobody wants to show their diary in a professional life.

Professional writing doesn't always has to do with serious writing. Professional means something that can be your portfolio in order to go for your career. If you want to be a humor writer, your post should be anything about jokes. You can also post photos that you took and arrange it as creative as you can to show your photography skills, or your comment to the latest fashion if you want to chase your career in fashion.

Pay attention to your template. It is important since your template determines the mood and impression to your post inside. Choosing a template is a quite waste a time. It's not an easy but also not a hard job. Blogger has been developing its template to cuddle their users. Now blogger have many options to choose the template that best represents their concept. Same thing apply for the font selection.

Finally the idea of mixing your writings is not the best thing to do, because every genre of writings require a different font and template to elevate the mood and impression in your writings. I'd say it is better to have couple blogs to store your awesome random ideas, good taste of photography, travel stories, articles, or melancholy poetry, rather than just a huge pandora box with everything in there.

Now I'm preparing to sort and move :)

A Big Value In A Small Thing

In this program, we are required to have 100 hours minimum of volunteer. I have no idea at all about this thing before. I was like how can people want to do a hundred hours doing something to someone else without being paid? 1 or 2 hours will still make sense to me.

But here comes this moment, after a hard time of doing it I realize the good value of volunteer. The moment when I feel like a thunder strikes me or someone slap me. The moment when snapping fingers really mean something. I know why we want to do this. I know why I want to do this. It's because of the leader.  A good role model and example, and that is something that has been spreading to almost of the people here. That what makes volunteering sounds easy and fun.

We were cleaning the Chinatown campus not so long ago. And there I got my thunder strike and a hand slap that woke me up and made me see. We were cleaning with the real leader - our program coordinator, Kenneth Lee and the Dean of International Student, Dr. Minh-Hoa Ta. These wonderful people didn't even have to bother clean the campus building. They could've been sitting in their house and enjoy the sunny Sunday. That's not their job anyway, but they did that. Man, here you can see a Dean cleaning a building. She could've just ask someone to come and clean the building, or just us the ones who clean it to fulfill our volunteering hour. But no! she didn't do that. We cleaned together. And that's the real leader - be the first person in line and show how volunteer can be such a great thing to do. And don't forget to praise what your man has done, just like almost all people do here. They like to praise and sometimes I feel like too much :)

I hope this volunteer spirit lingers in me. The spirit to serve your community and become a good leader, so everyone can see a great value inside a small thing.

These are some documentations from our volunteer. I don't have Dr. Ta's picture :(

The man in this pic is our program coordinator Ken Lee

Damn! I didn't watch The Superbowl

Sementara orang-orang Amerika Serikat dan yang tinggal disini pada heboh dengan adanya event "Superbowl" (What is Superbowl) gue anteng-anteng aja disini. Padahal siang tadi merupakan hari yang sangat bersejarah bagi warga San Francisco karena tim football San Francisco 49'ers bertanding melawan Baltimore Ravens di ajang puncak kejuaraan football yang ke XLVII. Aura Superbowl sudah terasa mungin sejak 2 minggu sebelumnya. Seluruh San Franciscan tenggelam dalam gairah untuk mendukung penuh tim kesayangan mereka. Kota pun bersiap-siap untuk kebanjiran para pendukung yang turun ke jalan. Muni pun tidak mau menjadi korban keganasan fans yang bisa bertindak vandal, mereka langsung menutup beberapa jalur bus yang melewati pusat kota dan mengalihkan jalur tersebut melewati daerah lain. Yah bisa dibilang situasi menjelang perhelatan olah raga besar yang sama saja seperti di Jakarta. Tapi kenapa gue anteng-anteng aja yah. Mestinya kan heboh seperti kemarin saat tim Baseball San Francisco Giants memenangkan kejuaraan. Nah ini alasan saya tidak terlalu menghiraukan "Football"

1. "Football" menurut bahasa artinya adalah bola kaki. Cocok! Karena Football yang gue kenal dari jaman kecil masih main bola plastik dengan bertelanjang kaki dan gawang seadanya di tengah jalan ya memang pakai kaki mainnya. Nah begitu sampe Amrik, saya bingung karena orang sini main football nya pake tangan, dan football yang telah lama saya tau diganti namanya dengan soccer.What the hell is soccer?! I'm not gonna say soccer. it's football! Ini masalah nilai kehidupan yang seenaknya saja diabaikan hanya karena mereka adalah negara adidaya.

2. "Ball" Setelah melakukan pencarian kata kunci "ball" di Google, 99% ball berbentuk bulat. Nah ini American Football bolanya bentuk ga jelas begitu. Tidak bulat, tapi lonjong. Ini adalah satu-satunya "ball" yang tidak berbentuk bulat. What does it try to say to us? tryin' impress us, or wanna be special by being the only ball with an oval looks?

3. Look at these people. Barbar semua. ini mau main bola apa main gulat. Kok yang diincar orang bukan bolanya. Itu mah gampang semua orang juga bisa. Hanya diisi oleh orang-orang berbadan kekar yang bisa menjatuhkan. Kalau ada orang berbadan kecil menjadi pemain Football Amerika pasti sudah mati di pertandingan pertama. Coba kita bandingkan dengan sepak bola atau bola basket. Jika kedua olah raga ini sebarbar Football Amerika, mungkin Diego Maradona, Roberto Carlos, Lionel Messi, Ludovic Giuly, dan banyak pemain hebat lainnya tidak akan ada karena mereka sudah keburu remuk dihajar habis-habisan. Mungkin juga Nate Robinson, Anthony "Spud" Webb, Earl Boykins, atau Tyrone "Muggsy" Bogues tidak akan pernah ada. Karena kedua olah raga ini adalah olah raga yang sebenarnya. Mereka tidak mengincar badan, tapi bola, dan disitulah letak perbedaannya. Mending pada main gulat aja kalo begitu, lebih keliatan kontak fisiknya.

Jadi begitulah kurang lebih kenapa saya tidak heboh sama Superbowl. Because it's not emphasize in the beauty and the skill, but it's emphasize in the brutality and they say it's a man sport. It's not a man sport to me. It's a stupid sport.

Check these links:

http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-shortest-nba-players.php

And this is so frickin' funny. Don't play it if you are an "American Football" fans :D

Dorothy Si Peminum Susu

"Ada apa lagi Dorothy, aku sudah memberimu segalanya kemarin. Apa yang kamu inginkan kali ini?" Keluh Romania.
Omong-omong siapa ini Dorothy dan Romania. Baiklah, aku akan menceritakan kepada kalian dengan sabar. Seperti yang sudah aku lakukan ratusan tahun sebelumnya kepada anak-anak penasaran yang setiap malam selalu tampak seperti burung hantu dengan matanya yang besar, mencoba mencari mangsa berupa dongen-dongeng baru yang bisa mengenyangkan dan semoga saja kalian bisa tidur dengan perasaan itu. Untung saja kalian masih polos dan memiliki mimpi-mimpi spektakuler seperti bertemu dengan peri-peri atau apalah itu. Lalu dari sanalah aku hidup - dari mimpi kalian. Dan untuk membalas jasa, aku selalu menceritakan dongeng yang pantas untuk diceritakan. Yang tidak akan pernah didengar oleh anak lain. Tidak dalam malam yang sama. Dorothy adalah seorang gadis berwajah perak dengan bercak-bercak pigmen yang parah saat panas menyengatnya. Tidak hidup dalam kesedihan anak kecil yang selalu diejek oleh teman-temannya, atau yang selalu bertanya hampir setiap menit. Bisa dibilang dia adalah anak dengan kehidupan normal seperti anak seusianya. Dorothy suka sekali minum susu. Dan pada suatu hari, dia dibelikan susu yang sangat istimewa oleh Kakeknya. Susu dalam kemasan 1 galon tersebut tampak seperti kemasan susu biasanya, namun Dorothy tidak menyadari ada keajaiban dari susu tersebut sampai ia meminum tetes terakhir dan menemukan tulisan di dasar galon. Sepertinya galon susu itu memang diciptakan untuk Dorothy. "Dorothy, si peminum susu. Tumbuhlah seperti pohon Banyan. Tebar benih rambutmu di galon ini, dan panggillah sang pemanen mimpi: ROMANIA, BANGUN DAN MENGABDI ATAS NAMA KETURUNAN SAEGORON." Lalu perlahan galon itu berubah warna menjadi kehijauan, dan mengeras seperti emas. Romania muncul dari permukaan galon dengan senyum yang sedikit aneh, dan menyeramkan. Lalu seperti apa rupa dari Romania? -bersambung-

Pencil Art

I used to love to draw
I just don't know why
Might be just love to create something
or
Happy to see a scratch that could shape a tree
shadow or a lot of hair
I used to love to draw you
in every move and expressions
Because sometimes I could see ocean in your eyes
oh and also I saw my way home in the evening when I was 12
I see that when I draw your hands
Under the light
covered in a pink silk
And you were too lazy to get your tea
before went to sleep
Always
Now I just like to mix everything
Like play harmonica under my favorite tree
When the first time I bought you a tea
It was always great
As great as when I love to draw
Can I come here again someday?
And I will draw you forever