The Last Writing I'm Wasting on You

Suddenly the sound of a burning cigarette flow into my ear. It's been a year and two days since I met you. I'm listening the last song I'm wasting on you. I want to hear the sound of a burning cigarette again, so I smoke again. Pull a bold white poison smoke into my lungs. And I'm still wondering what kind of love you gave me. But it's not a matter anymore. I have deleted all visible memory of you. But not in my head. It's permanently written. Like any other memory I have. It planted like a root, but not grow any bigger. I remember your face, your smile and laugh, but not what you laugh at. I remember what you said, but not what conversation we had. You made me wait for almost two hours in a rainy night. You made me walk so far, because you suddenly cancel our appointment. You made me an alien in a crowded. You made me quit smoking and then start again. You made me finish my first story (Thanks so much). You made me wise but childish as well. You made me really mad but very happy some times. You... made me writing. Maybe you don't know how bad you tortured me. But strange, I enjoyed it. Is this what you want? Bravo, to make someone love you like this. Such a beautiful little evil. I don't hate you. I'm just cursing sometime. Let me tell you something, don't make a man waiting in the dark if you're not willing to give him light. Don't make a cat waiting in front of a plate if you're not willing to give a milk. Don't say you miss me and want to meet if you're not willing to meet me. Just be honest. Maybe it hurt, but it is the right way. Goddamn, you're so lovely.

Maria Berlian Paska. a sweet Catholic girl I met. a beautiful Catholic girl I love. The only child of a happy family. Make your parents proud of you, ey. I'm proud of you. You really a strong woman, you should know that. Achieve all yor dreams, Berlian. Don't fall in love too easy. I don't want you to get hurt. Marry a real man. It's your year, right? But don't push too hard. And now let me move on to achieve my goals. I'm sorry but I have to erase you

You'd be the first Catholic girl I love. And will be the last. I promise you. I promise me. I promise God. I'll be very glad if you read this. If anyone read this, don't mock me, bastard. You never know

Still listening "the last song I'm wasting on you" this is the last writing I'm wasting on you